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 Divorce Agreement

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dubob
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PostSubject: Divorce Agreement   Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:38 pm

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and over-sized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

_________________________________________________
Bob Hicks, from Utah
I’m 70 years young and going as hard as I can for as long as I can.
“Free men don't ask permission to bear arms.” ― Glen Aldrich
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Dr. Seuss
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ScottyP
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PostSubject: Re: Divorce Agreement   Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:41 am

Is this your own shitty write-up or did you swipe it from somewhere? A tad presumptuous I'd say.

I am a liberal

I own guns

I love the bill of rights (all of them, not just the ones that suit me)

Me and a whole lot of my buddies that work in law enforcement are a lot more liberal than you think, so no, you don't get to claim us.

I have friends in the military that would scoff at your list. Thet serve to protect all of us, not just the christians. Believe it or not, there are many 'atheists in foxholes'.

Trickle-down is working so well that wages have stagnated over the last 30 years while the top corporations are making record breaking profits.

I know my history enough to know that Jesus Christ is mentioned a total of 0 times in our founding documents, while the establishment clause is outlined in the 1st ammendment to the US Constitution.

But at least we get the 'liberal judges'. The ones that affirm peoples rights and protect them from legislators that pass bad laws and intolerant christians that want to force their out-dated tribal morality on the rest of us.









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dubob
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PostSubject: Re: Divorce Agreement   Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:15 am

ScottyP wrote:
Is this your own shitty write-up or did you swipe it from somewhere?
My bad; I meant to say up front that it was sent to me via an email.

_________________________________________________
Bob Hicks, from Utah
I’m 70 years young and going as hard as I can for as long as I can.
“Free men don't ask permission to bear arms.” ― Glen Aldrich
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Dr. Seuss
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huntingbuddy
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PostSubject: Re: Divorce Agreement   Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:58 pm

I disagree with healthcare being a luxury not a right. Just because you don't have money doesn't mean you don't have the right to live. However I also disagree with the way affordable health care is being made available, and quite frankly it won't be cheap or affordable for anybody. If the rich and healthcare companies were taxed much less, I mean a lot less if at all, I know that they would be very generous in making sure the less fortunate were taking care of and that they were healthy. This idea that taxing the rich and giving to the poor because the rich are greedy and would never give up their money is ludacris. It under estimates their compassion and charity. The money donated to private charities always goes much farther than that same amount would go with a govt organization. Lets stop taxing people and let them use those dollars to be compassionate to help others. I am against legislating morals and compassion, humans have both. Why don't we let people express and practice them on their own terms. The United States is already the most charitable country in the world, lets make that even more true and get taxes down.
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ScottyP
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PostSubject: Re: Divorce Agreement   Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:50 am

So we should not tax the rich at all and hope they donate enough to charity to pay for healthcare for those who can't afford it? And they would actually do this out of civic duty? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that just isn't going to happen.
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fatbass
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PostSubject: Re: Divorce Agreement   Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:06 pm

The rich are paying more than their fair share. It's the mentality that someone else should pay for my healthcare/ kid's meals/ cellphone/ housing/ education/etc... that is killing America.
Grow a set and pay your own way.
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